First Key to Sexual Purity

    ... Abimelech defends his position.

    Said he not unto me, She is my sister? and she, even she herself said, He is my brother: in the integrity of my heart and innocency of my hands have I done this. (Genesis 20:5)

    What King Abimelech is revealing is that prayer, the Word of God, counseling, and any other methods of abstaining for the believer may be hit-or-miss. There are two required characteristics we must contribute to making it all possible: the integrity of the heart and the innocence of the hands. The Hebrew word for integrity in Genesis 20:5 is tome, which refers to completeness or uprightness. Innocency means cleanness and “of my hands” indicates he had not touched Sarah. We learn through this encounter that we must make a personal commitment to God for our sexual purity and remain honest and unmovable. We must do our part.

Second Key to Sexual Purity

   God kept King Abimelech from sleeping with Sarah: “And God said unto him in a dream, yea, I know that thou didst this in the integrity of thy heart; for I also withheld thee from sinning against me: therefore suffered I thee not to touch her” (Genesis 20:6).
    Obviously, King Abimelech was not surprised that God had spoken to him in his own dream, for he spoke back without hesitation and seemed quite confident when he replied.
Sleeping with women who were not his wives was King Abimelech’s normal mode, but sleeping with another man’s wife was not. In our society, King Abimelech’s normal mode would be considered adultery and the latter, polygamy.
    When our motives are pure and we are honest and transparent before God and sincerely desire to be sexually pure, God honors us. Note what God said—“… for I also withheld thee …” (Genesis 20:6). This tells us that we have some level of power to withhold ourselves … but how strong are you and I without God? I’m pretty weak without Him—much stronger with Him. God is a willing and active participant in the believer’s quest to become and remain celibate and sexually pure. God does His part (keeps us from fornicating) after we do our part (make a serious commitment to Him and to ourselves to become and remain sexually pure, and stick to it).


The Final Divorce Decree

    So then, when are you ready to date? Never before a final divorce decree (a document that legally and finally dissolves a marriage) has been issued. After that, a person needs time. The amount of time will depend on the person and the circumstances. One year should be a minimum goal. Fools rush in. God is very capable of doing what needs to be done in our lives. He will require a humble, honest, and transparent heart, along with the patience it takes to conform to His timing. Other than this miraculous transformation by God Himself, counseling or therapy is a must.
    If you are considering dating someone who has been previously married, do not be shy, embarrassed, or ashamed to ask—or in some cases, demand—to see with your own eyes, to read with understanding, the final divorce decree (or whatever the name of the document is in your state, province, or country). Do not allow yourself to be tricked by dissolution or filing paperwork—look for the final divorce decree.
    When should you ask to see a final divorce decree? Before you ever go out on the first date! Why? Prayerfully you will avoid investing time, emotions, and finances into someone who may not be eligible to date you in the first place.
    “But what’s wrong with going out with a separated person?” The same thing that’s wrong with going out with a married person: Separated people are still married, and God calls it adultery.

Thou shalt not commit adultery. (Exodus 20:14)

And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. (Leviticus 20:10)

But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. (Proverbs 6:32)

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. (Matthew 5:32)

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery. (Luke 16:18)

Behold, I will cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultery with her into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds. And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works. (Revelations 2:22-23)

    As you can see, the Lord is very serious about adultery. Do not feel that you are being too intrusive by asking the reason for someone’s divorce—and if they were a Christian when they were divorced. If their divorce was not for the reasons of adultery, abandonment, or the death of a spouse, you should seek counsel within your support system or at your local church before dating this person. I believe in marriage counseling; I also believe in pre-engagement counseling, and in cases that include a previous marriage, abuse, imprisonment, or a grave financial situation, I also believe in pre-dating or pre-courtship counseling.